Exploring Bruno Mars' 'Young Girls': A Depth Psychological Perspective
Listen on Youtube
It's been 9 months since I started this post. A lot has happened since then to this psychologist in Prosper, Texas. I realize that, in getting caught up by analysis of a relatively empty song, I set a trap for myself. It's a fun, catchy song, about a contemporary person struggling to grieve their choices and reflect on & pursue what is meaningful to them. That about sums it up. And can't we all relate with that?
That being said, I want to honor what a year-ago-Brad was struggling with, and ultimately, give grace to myself for stumbling over grandiose fantasies of eloquence and insightfulness. I'm going to publish it now, unfinished.
--Unfinished Original Post follows, December 2023--
I was driving with my kids jamming to some Taylor Swift as per usual, and then Young Girls by 11-time Grammy award winner Bruno Mars came on. I'd never heard it before. Released in 2012, it's a catchy pop+R&B track delivered with Bruno's expressive and soulful vocals. However, as I listened to the lyrics I felt sad and bored, and decided to write about the song to help process my thoughts and feelings. Not just about the song, but about how the song fits into our culture from a depth psychological perspective. Here are the lyrics:
Stanza 1:
I spent all my money on a big old fancy car
For these bright-eyed hunnies
Oh, yeah, you know who you are
Keep me up 'til the sun is high
'Til the birds start calling my name
I'm addicted and I don't know why
Guess I've always been this way
Refrain:
All these roads steer me wrong
But I still drive them all night long, all night long
Chorus:
All you young wild girls
You make a mess of me
Yeah, you young wild girls
You'll be the death of me, the death of me
All you young wild girls
No matter what you do (No matter what you do)
Yeah, you young wild girls
I always come back to you, come back to you
Stanza 2:
I get lost under these lights
I get lost in the words I say
Start believing my own lies
Like everything will be okay
Oh, I still dream of simple life
Boy meets girl, makes her his wife
But love don't exist
When you live like this
That much I know, yes I know
refrain x1
Chorus x2
The beauty of youth is a timeless fact--if this doesn't yet ring true, wait 'til you're older. Therefore, when the singer describes "always" "coming back" to "Young, Wild Girls", part of me understands. Countless songs and poems have been written about the beauty of youth and love and romance and sexuality. This, in and of itself, isn't boring or sad. What is sad and, at this point in our culture, frankly boring, is his description of losing himself to a specific stereotype and placing his value outside of himself: "I spent all my money on a big old fancy car / For these bright-eyed hunnies..." Right off the top, the singer describes his attempt to gain the attention and affection of his heart's desire. I empathize with the singer; our DNA metaphorically screams for us to take action to reproduce. However, I want to highlight our culture's method of action: not by summoning boldness, expressing oneself vulnerably and authentically, but by going broke to purchase an object: "a big old fancy car." This is a regrettable distraction from what is truly unique about the singer: themselves. Their personality, the way they see the world, their likes and dislikes, etc. The lyrics also cast a shadow on what American women stereotypically find attractive: objects. The first stanza closes with the singer's confession that they are "addicted" and they "don't know why / Guess I've always been this way." Before jumping into some attachment theory, lets go on a quick tangent...
Sex addiction is a popular topic in the psychotherapy and counseling world, and many celebrities in the past decade have publicly claimed it and sought treatment for it. For example, in 2009, major news papers published only 2 articles mentioning sex addiction. By 2012 there were 5 references. Media mentions peaked in 2017 with 12 references (these numbers are the result of searching the web for news articles that mentioned the term “sex addiction” in the last 15 years, per an analysis from the Bing search engine). Returning to the song, the casual way the singer mentions his "addiction" leads me to wonder whether the song was written at a time in our culture when claiming to be "addicted" to sex didn't have the stain that it would obtain after public figures like Tiger Woods, Jeff Duggar, Anthony Weiner, Kevin Spacey, Scott Disick, etc. claimed they were addicted as they were perpetrators of abuse. Then there's also Adam Levine, James Franco, Kanye West, Jada Pinkett Smith, Andra Day, etc, who are popular cultural figures who have reported struggling with sex addictions. To be clear, sexual behavior is an integral part of the overwhelming majority of healthy adult human relationships--notwithstanding our asexual guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. Moreover, as I previously wrote, it's a biological imperative to reproduce, which means a sexual relationship must feel really damn good to motivate us to do it. However, feeling secure in ourselves, in addition to the regular mantra means we can tolerate distress--specifically the distress of turning down sexual relationships that would be maladaptive for our long-term well-being.
Returning to the lyrics, when the singer claims they "don't know why" they are addicted, I don't hear curiosity but resignation to their base needs and potential maladaptive behavior. Curiosity is crucial for constructing a more robust meaning making function, that is, how we make sense out of what is happening to us every minute of every day, how we find purpose, passion, joy, and how we metabolize our suffering. A lack of curiosity may imply the singer is resigned to said maladaptive behavior, which, considering most human's biological need to mate, will work in the short term. Long term however, this lack of curiosity leads to continued ignorance, poor relationships, and more suffering.
Let's take a look at the chorus. As you can see above, "All you young, wild girls" is repeated after each of the following lines, so I won't repeat them again: "You make a mess of me... / You'll be the death of me... / No matter what you do... / I'll always come back to you"
The last line of the first stanza are "Guess I've always been this way." Cue Dwight.
The singer absolutely has not "always been this way." We are born dependent but not "addicted." We are not destined to bankrupt ourselves for validation. We are perfectly imperfect creatures who learn from our mistakes and are inherently worthy. But the singer isn't learning from their mistakes, rather, they are committed to continue making them, as seen in the refrain: "All these roads steer me wrong/ But I still drive them all night long."
Part of me wants to dive into sexual selecting. If you're curious, here's one brief video from evolutionary biologist powercouple Bret and Heather. Bruno begins "Young Girls" with an example of sexual selection: "I spent all my money on a big old fancy car/ For these bright-eyed hunnies." ((If you're in your 40s, you may remember Good Charlotte singing something similar in, "Girls don't like boys/Girls like cars and money.")) An appealing vehicle is a symbol for what is commonly attractive to women: financial security, confidence, and potency. I don't think Bruno needs a fancy car to get women at the time he co-wrote the song, but the point remains that he's singing as if he does, because he believes it will be relatable, because it probably will be: Art imitates life as life imitates art.
Also, if you're aspiring to be a pop song writer, note the following: 1) Lots of popular songs have multiple writers. Look up Ari Levine, Emile Haynie, Jeffrey Bhasker, for example, who helped write this song. They aren't on stage, they're in the background making songs like these possible. You, the reader, can do that too! 2) this song has nearly the same format as the previous #DHMH song: only two stanzas and the majority of the songs are the chorus. You, the reader, can write a song like this! Super do-able!